Stefan Terblanche is so fit...

Rumour has it, Stefan Terblanche - at the age of 34 - has been the fittest player in the Sharks squad for over two years. While I was in Mozambique this past week, a bunch of us started lamenting why the Springboks lost their final test to the Lions, and almost in unison we all said Stefan Terblanche should have been in the team. We were all so adamant of this, that we pretty much consecutively cited the fact that he is regarded as the fittest player in the Sharks squad for over two years now. After a while, we got a bit silly, and I jotted down all the comments that came up - good and bad - and have compiled them for other people's enjoyment. I do not censor these comments, so some are absolutely terrible but they're there to honour the hard work of the men that served in the front-line of joke brewing!

In fact, Stefan Terblanche is SO FIT ...

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, he broke the bleep test. The bleep test only has twelve levels. Stefan got to level fifteen, so they wrote it onto his jersey.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, SMS stands for Stefan's Messaging Service

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, SOS actually stands for Send Over Stefan

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, Stefan can tell you how long a piece of string really is.

• That chicken. That road. Stefan knows why.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, he outran the Energiser bunny.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, Stefan can send E. T. home.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, Stefan can also see dead people.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, MTN stands for Mobile Terblanche Network. You get four complimentary tries with your first national contract.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, MTN provides fullbacking on all drops during your call.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, Stefan Terblanche drop-kicked himself out of his mom's womb.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, every time his mom felt him kicking in her tummy, she got three points.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, when Stefan goes for a conversion, the nation of Islam is converted.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, when Stefan's tries are converted, everyone is converted.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, Superman's S is a tribute to his mentor, Stefan.

• Batman managed to get to level 14 on the bleep test. Batman cheated.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, Chuck Norris' middle name is "stefanterblanche", pronounced Chuck stefanterblanche Norris.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, Stefan Terblanche's name spelt backwards is still pronounced Stefan Terblanche.

• WWSTD

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, Subaru Impreza WRX STi stands for Stefan Terblanche Inspired.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, In the French Open, the final point is translated "game, set, stefan".

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, all sainthoods begin "St" in honour of Stefan Terblanche.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, Vernon Koekemor's daughters are named Stefan and Terblanche.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, he has started a fitness academy. It's called SA Champs. Stefan's Academy of Champs.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, Stefan's Academy of Champs isn't just an academy. It's a nation. When Great Britain heard about the Academy, they renamed themselves to simply Britain.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, the sequel to 300 is simply called Stefan Terblanche. It's only a rough version of Stefan's life, since the true story is too epic and would span six feature-length movies. The CGI to recreate Stefan's abilities on the big screen hasn't been invented yet.
  

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, When Neil Armstrong first landed on the moon he tripped over a rugby ball which had the initials "ST" on it.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, when the Ford Focus ST was first revealed, Ford was sued by Stefan because the ST was misleading people into thinking Stefan had a lower top speed than he actually does.
  

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, Bill Gate's first company name was MicroStefan but he later had it changed to avoid a lawsuit.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, Cate Blanchette is a stage name in honour of Stefan. Her real name isn't relevant.

• Stefan Terblanche is the epitome of fit. He can get through any gap. When he was three months old he could get a round peg through a square hole.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, in the US elections, Obama voted for Stefan.
  

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, not even a dentist has been able to find a hole in Stefan's defence.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, Stefan has more toe than a roman sandal.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, Osama's next target is Stefan.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, Iraq never really had WMDs. The CIA wasn't wrong with their report though. Stefan was simply visiting Iraq at the time of their assessment.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, were Stefan to ever snore, he'd break the sound barrier.

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, the Ghostbusters call Stefan.
  
  
• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, Stefan solved Fermat's Last Theorem with Stefan's First Theorem.
  
  
• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, Stefan would save the cheerleader.

  (UPDATE 20/07/2009: It seems our trend is catching on; some dude I met for a few hours the night before has just SMS'ed me some more... woohoo - we've started a movement outside of our friendship circle!!)
  

• Stefan Terblanche is so fit, he can breath above and below water.
  At the same time.
  
  
• The 'Awesomeness' motivational poster in Barney Stinson's office is a photo of Stefan Terblanche.
  
  
• Stefan Terblanche taught Lance Armstrong how to ride a bike.
  
  
• Stefan Terblanche is The Stig.